


The Intervention

by Embarassedbutkinky



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Awkwardness, Embarrassment, F/M, Intervention, M/M, Multi, Sex Talk, Walking In On Someone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 07:01:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18751387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Embarassedbutkinky/pseuds/Embarassedbutkinky
Summary: Goku's family and friends are sick of his bad habit of instant transmitting to them whenever he thinks they're in danger, because most of the time they are not... Just a funny little one shot.





	The Intervention

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! I'm on Twitter now at @EBKFICS. Thanks!

On most work days Goku had to argue or sneak around if he wanted to get away for some training. That was why he was so surprised when Chichi told him randomly on a Tuesday he was welcome to blow off the fields and go exercise. He jumped at the opportunity, practically skipping out the door. She just asked him to  _ please _ be back by 4pm. He thought that sounded a little early for dinner, but he agreed.

At 4pm, almost on the dot, Goku waltzed into the backdoor that lead to the kitchen and found himself face to face with most of his family and friends. They regarded him somberly, nodding stiffly as Chichi went to greet him with an awkward smile.

She patted his arm as he looked around the assembled crowd piled around their modest kitchen. "Are we having a barbecue?"

Vegeta balked. "Does this _ look _ like a barbecue, Kakarot? Are we eating? You absolute fucking--"

"Vegeta," Bulma warned, "that's strike one. I told you, we're here to be nice and supportive, and if you can't manage it--"

" _ Fine _ ," he spat.

"This is not a barbecue, Goku," Krillin said with a soft smile. "It's an intervention."

"An intervention?" Goku asked. "Uh… what do you eat at an intervention?"

"I made pies, but that's not the point," Chichi sighed.

"Dad, we've got to talk," Gohan said, holding Videl's hand absently.

"Hell yeah, we do," Goten grumbled. He was the only one not looking up; he'd buried his face in his arms against the table and made no move to look at anyone. Trunks sat behind him looking regretful.

Bulma piped up. "You know we all love you--"

"No," Vegeta muttered.

"Vegeta, strike two.  _ Already _ ."

"Goku," Eighteen said firmly, "we're here to talk about your instant transmission technique."

"Oh," Goku said in confusion as Chichi lead him to the table. "What about it? Do you all want to learn how?"

"No, Goku," Chichi said carefully. "We need to talk about when you're allowed to--"

"Stop walking in on us having sex!" Vegeta yelled. "There, it's out in the open. Cowards."

Goku blinked. "What? Oh, come on, that's only happened a few times."

"No, Dad," Gohan said with a deep blush. "It's happened more than a  _ few _ times. You've popped in on us like four times this month."

"Well, your energy spiked. I thought you might be in trouble."

"That's  _ always _ your reason," Krillin said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Fighting isn't the only physical activity that raises our power levels, Goku."

Goku scoffed. "I think a few accidents is worth it if I'm making sure you're all safe. Like a few nights ago Vegeta's power surged up out of nowhere, so I zipped right over."

Vegeta seethed and Bulma placed a placating hand on his shoulder. "And was Vegeta in danger, Goku?"

He laughed nervously. "Uh, no. You were on top of him."

"No  _ shit _ ," Vegeta spat. "That's ten times  _ this year.  _ Do you have any idea how fucking  _ annoying _ it is to constantly keep your power level in check whenever you want to have sex?"

"You're exaggerating, Vegeta," Goku laughed.

"No, he's not," Krillin said. "You pop in on us all the time. Once you show up and yell 'sorry!' it's impossible to get going again. Then I'm never sure if  _ this _ will be the time you show up, so I'm nervous the whole time!"

"You're interfering with my daily orgasm, Goku," Eighteen said flatly. "It has to stop."

Goku frowned, getting annoyed. "Why is all of this coming out now?"

"Are you  _ kidding _ ?" Goten said, finally looking up with a glare. "After what happened yesterday? How did you not see this coming?"

Goku sighed. "It's not that big of a deal, Goten."

The young man scoffed. "Dad--"

"So I walked in on you and Trunks having sex," Goku shrugged throwing up his hands. "I didn't even know people that weren't married could  _ have _ sex. I thought you were in trouble, so I came to help. I barely saw anything, I swear, and I left really fast."

"Dad!" He said angrily. "It was my  _ first _ .  _ Fucking _ .  _ Time _ ."

Goku froze. "Oh."

Trunks patted Goten's back apologetically. "It's okay, Ten."

"No, it is  _ not _ . The number one thing I'm going to remember about the first time I had sex is my  _ Dad  _ showing up and yelling  _ 'Don't worry Goten, Daddy's here! _ '"

"I said I was sorry!" Goku said.

"That's not good enough, Kakarot!" Vegeta yelled. "We've all had enough!"

"What if something is actually wrong and I don't show up?" Goku asked. "Are you all willing to take that chance?"

"Yes!" They all said immediately.

"Look, Goku," Chichi said, handing him a box, " we thought of that already. We bought you this."

Goku pulled the box open. "A phone? I thought I wasn't allowed to have a phone because of that time I ordered fifty pizzas to the house."

"I've changed my mind," Chichi said. "Here's what we're going to do. If someone's energy spikes for seemingly no reason, you  _ call _ them. If they don't answer, you  _ leave them alone _ ."

"But what if they can't get to their phone? Someone could die before I get to them."

"I would  _ rather _ die," Goten grumbled.

"That's just the way it's going to be, Goku," Bulma warned. "The next time you interrupt my private time with my husband I will hunt you down and scoop your eyes out with a melon baller."

Vegeta snorted. "What happened to being supportive?"

"He's starting to piss me off."

" _ Fiiiiine _ ," Goku rolled his eyes. "I promise I'll call first."

" _ And _ ?" Gohan urged, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"If you don't answer, then I'll leave you alone."

" _ Thank _ you," Goten spat. "Now someone hit me in the head with a frying pan until I lose my memory."

The table sat in silence a long moment. Chichi drummed her fingers on the table. "I mean, were you boys at least being safe?"

" _ Mom _ !"

"Who wants pie?" She smiled nervously.

 


End file.
